From the archives:
Oct 5, 2017
In an attempt to break myself of my Whole Foods habits and start living like the I’m-not-working-a-corporate-job-anymore filmmaker I actually am, I walked into ALDI the other day. I have experienced this in the past: if you set your expectations of ALDI very low, you are going to be really pleasantly surprised.
The first aisle is the best. Delicious dark chocolate, organic gluten-free crackers, chia seeds at a really good price. This is not the depressed-looking ALDI you remember from your youth. So, emboldened by all this “organic” goodness, you make your way into the next aisle. Organic plain yogurt for $2.99. Yes, it's a brand you've never heard of, but that's ok, it's organic. Next aisle: it's more than just groceries. If you are in the market for a super sturdy, cleverly-designed, padded stadium chair, you can get it for $9.99. You skip the meat aisle because...hey, let's not get carried away in this not-Whole-Foods wilderness area.
But somehow frozen fish makes the cut of items whose origin you are willing to feign ignorance about. You stop to peruse the frozen salmon. There are two that look identical. 16 oz. of wild caught pink salmon with the word "sustainable" splashed all over it. One costs $9.99 and the other, a handsomely-designed brand called "Sea Queen," only $3.80. You investigate SQ, thinking "this is too good to be true." A voice in your head reminds you that with no other evidence to weigh, there's still probably a good reason to pay the $9.99. You get what you pay for. But hey, broke-ass filmmaker, think about that credit card bill. It gets paid off one salmon fillet at a time. So you go for it and grab Sea Queen. You walk out of the store with a skip in your step. You send a text to your bff, who is much better at price-conscious grocery shopping than you, to crow about your success. You rave about ALDI to your sister-in-law later in the day.
Next day: Parents are coming over for dinner. You think about what they might enjoy, think about running out to store to get some interesting items, but then think: if there's a way to make this meal with what you already have at home, it'll save you $15. The menu is on the adventurous side for them, but they’ll be up for it. Coconut rice, kale sauteed with ginger and garlic, and your Sea Queen salmon, slathered in a mustard/brown sugar/ginger glaze and broiled. As the P's sit at your kitchen table, chatting with you while you finish cooking, you open the Sea Queen and have a moment of panic as these fillets start to look like the $3.80 fillets they are. They're not super-gorgeous, plump, and pink, like the ones you might have spent four times as much on at Whole Foods. So, you confess to the mater and pater that you're not so sure about this salmon. Mom goes to her worry place, assuming you mean it's out of date. How old is it?! No, that's not the problem, you reassure her. It's just that...it didn't cost very much. They kind of shrug, probably wishing you hadn't said anything, but they take it in stride. Now you're all in it together.
You're pleasantly surprised. Once cooked, this salmon tastes fine. Dad's only hesitation before he eventually announces that he likes the meal has more to do with the gingery-kale-coconut themes, which are a bit outside of his comfort zone. Salmon consumed, embarrassment averted, stomachs satiated. A handful of laughs and stories later, you bid them farewell.
And then, you sit down on your couch and open Facebook. A journalist friend has posted an article that jumps off the screen at you.
NKorean workers prep seafood going to US stores, restaurants
Forced labor
North Koreans work in horrible conditions in China
Package fish
Send wages back to Supreme Leader
Sold in ALDI and Walmart
SEA QUEEN
Nooooooo!!!!!!!!! The picture of the packaging confirms it. The Associated Press has called you out on your short-cut consumerism, while that salmon is still in the second stage of digestion in your own stomach. What once tasted “fine” now tastes like despotism and slavery. You alert the parents. They are horrified. You are all complicit.
[Some good jokes do come out it. Dad: Does this mean North Korea now has my social security number? No, you say, probably just your DNA. Mom: See, that's why I'm never getting my DNA tested by ancestry.com—you never know who will get their hands on it.]
But this is not a joking matter!
Damn you, ALDI and your evil temptations!
Damn you, Whole Foods. Look what you drove a working girl to do!
Damn you, Jeff Bezos, you cause me so many mixed feelings! How is it possible to be responsible for the 8th wonder of the world, David Fahrenthold, and the amazing Washington Post, and also have every city in the country by the balls with the prospect of your big deal HQ2 which is probably just going to cause further income inequality wherever it lands?
It's your fault!
It's Trump's fault!
IT’S. NOT. MY. FAULT!
You breathe. You thank the Facebook poster of the AP article for alerting you to this injustice. You go to sleep and wake up the next morning and realize that you had the wisdom inside of you all along. You chose not to listen to it. You get what you pay for. When you don’t pay for your salmon, someone else does. Next time, broke-ass filmmaker, get yourself a can of black beans.
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